One Foot Out The Door – Intro

One Foot Out the Door is a reflection on the challenges of marriage. I think most of us get married either hoping for or believing in “Happily Ever After”. Unfortunately, the “flying high feeling” of the “tingles” we enjoy in the early stages of dating change over time and we start to wonder if the absence of “tinglies” is evidence that we were “not meant to be”? Or worse “Has my spouse fallen OUT of love with me”?  As of today my husband Jim and I have been married for almost 19 years. We have 2 wonderful boys ages 12 and 8 (almost 9) and despite all of the crisis, trauma, disappointments, and hurt…we are still married. We are very much in love today; more than we ever were in the past – even more than the “tingly” phase.  Some couples are lucky enough to enjoy every stage of their marriages as being very happy; looking forward to each stage of marriage to be better than the last, to always feel loved and appreciated, to know day in and day out that they married their soulmate and that life without their spouse would be awful. Unfortunately that in NO way describes our marriage and I would guess, since you are reading this blog, it probably does not describe your marriage either? It is a terrible empty feeling the day you first wonder if your marriage is salvageable.  As human beings we strive to “do well” at life and that includes our marriage and family life. Admitting our marriage is not working and possibly struggling is not an easy thing to admit. If we do admit it to ourselves and then have the guts to admit it to someone else, it is common for others, even professionals and friends, to minimize our pain by saying “all marriages have challenges” or dismiss our pain by saying “I’ll pray for you.” The reality is that both of those statements are very true BUT when you are the one struggling they are just words and can seem insincere because they offer no practical help today. Today is when I need help or assistance. How do I make it through today (in my marriage) when today is full of pain, misunderstanding, etc. When the distance I need to travel between today and marital happiness seems more than a lifetime away. When the anger I feel just compounds day after day and the tension in our house is thick like smoke, its hard to see happiness in our future. What can I do today? For each marriage that struggles, it’s at differing degrees of suffering, differing speeds of destruction and differing symptoms that remind us daily that our marriage could be in trouble. So if knowledge that all couples have challenges and that others are praying for us is nice but not helpful, is there anything I can do today to turn my marriage around? Yes, I can turn my marriage around by changing how I look at marriage and how I act in and about my marriage.
God has challenged my husband and I in ways we never could have imagined. God’s hand has pulled us from some terrible situations and navigated us past misery and hopelessness to freedom, love, understanding and awe! We have learned much about ourselves, each other and most importantly our marriage. In this journey God revealed to us wisdom we hope will help you find comfort and peace as you journey toward your happily ever after with your spouse.  Each chapter of this book/blog will give practical TODAY knowledge and suggestions that will help turn your marriage around, not just to “better” but “better than I could have ever imagined”.
 So Let’s begin TODAY and take it one day at a time.

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