{"id":137,"date":"2015-06-22T11:48:08","date_gmt":"2015-06-22T16:48:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/servantspouse.com\/?p=137"},"modified":"2015-06-22T11:49:36","modified_gmt":"2015-06-22T16:49:36","slug":"resolving-conflict-with-p-r-a-y-part-2-time-outs-are-not-just-for-kids","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/servantspouse.com\/?p=137","title":{"rendered":"Resolving Conflict with P.R.A.Y. – Part 2 – (TIME OUT\u2019s Are Not Just for Kids)"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last post we talked about Resolving Conflict with P.R.A.Y. – Part 1-The Importance of Good Communication Habits<\/em><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/em>Remember what the 4-step process of P.R.A.Y. is?<\/p>\n

P<\/strong> \u2013 Part Ways \u2013 TIME OUT.<\/p>\n

R<\/strong> \u2013 Reconnect with your spouse.<\/p>\n

A <\/strong>\u2013 Apologize for hurt feelings or wrong doings.<\/p>\n

Y <\/strong>\u2013 Yes Me \u2013 Yes, it is me that needs to make an effort.<\/p>\n

Today we will tackle the first step in P.R.A.Y. with P \u2013 Part Ways \u2013 Take a TIME OUT<\/u><\/em>. Before we dive in, I thought we should talk about WHEN to use P.R.A.Y.<\/p>\n

When to use P.R.A.Y.<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

You will want to use P.R.A.Y. and initiate the first step, P \u2013Part Ways \u2013 Take a TIME OUT<\/u>, when one of these 4 things happens:<\/p>\n

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  1. Your conversation has turned into a disagreement. Maybe the conversation started civil with both of you on the same page but as the conversation progresses you realize that you see things differently. You have gone from being in the same car, driving in the same direction, to now being in different cars or heading in different directions.<\/li>\n
  2. One spouse is frustrated, upset, or angry about something. Maybe you are not upset but your spouse is. Maybe your spouse is huffing and puffing or raising their voice or possibly they say: \u201cwe need to talk\u201d.<\/li>\n
  3. An important decision needs to be made and you appear to be thinking about it differently. You are on different sides of the fence. Example of this might be: 1) your spouse receives a job offer that would require a move or a significant change in life style, or 2) should your children attend public or private school, or 3) the list could go on and on.<\/li>\n
  4. You are feeling that your spouse is \u201cobviously wrong\u201d. I can be guilty of this, often!! As we are discussing something, I can here the voice in my head repeating \u201cwell, he is obviously wrong!\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    P \u2013Part Ways \u2013 Take a TIME OUT<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Once a conflict or disagreement has been identified, begin the process of P.R.A.Y. with step P \u2013Part Ways \u2013 Take a TIME OUT.<\/u> Take a TIME OUT from each other. The Goal of your TIME OUT is to do what is necessary to calm yourself so that when you return to your spouse you are in a more caring mood, ready to listen to their side of things. You also want to be able to express your side of things in a calm, rational manner, without yelling or finger-pointing.<\/p>\n

    Do we have to take a TIME OUT?<\/u><\/strong> Yes, assuming you want the process of P.R.A.Y. to work.<\/p>\n

    Won\u2019t my spouse be offended if I call TIME OUT on them?<\/u><\/strong> Identifying that a TIME OUT is needed is part of the process and should not be viewed as a bad thing, but a necessary thing for successful communication. Assuming you and your spouse agree to try P.R.A.Y., you must also agree to support each other when TIME OUT is called. You should never refuse your spouse a TIME OUT when one is called or suggested. Matter of fact, you should view the calling of a TIME OUT as evidence that your spouse is committed to working through the issue.<\/p>\n

    How long should your TIME OUT be?<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Depending on the situation you might only need 5 minutes or you might need a couple hours. Agree on the length of the TIME OUT before hand. Maybe it is 9:00am and you have identified a disagreement but you are desperately trying to get the kids dressed and out the door for church which begins at 9:30am. Call the TIME OUT and agree to get back together after church, say 1:00pm while the kids are napping. Even though the break is 3.5 hours, make sure you take 5-15 minutes for your actual TIME OUT by yourself before 1:00pm arrives.<\/p>\n

    What do I do during our Time-Out?<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n

    Use this time to clear your mind, calm down, and get into a more receptive and loving place.<\/p>\n

    Suggestions during this time:<\/p>\n

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    1. Reflect on your feelings \u2013 How do I feel about the situation?\n