{"id":196,"date":"2015-09-30T16:56:36","date_gmt":"2015-09-30T21:56:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/servantspouse.com\/?p=196"},"modified":"2015-09-30T16:56:36","modified_gmt":"2015-09-30T21:56:36","slug":"what-type-of-spouse-are-you-a-question-mark-or-explanation-point-and-why-does-it-matter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/servantspouse.com\/?p=196","title":{"rendered":"What type of spouse are you? A question mark (?) or explanation point (!) and why does it matter?"},"content":{"rendered":"

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How weird is that. A question mark, an explanation point, what are you talking about? Take a moment and think about the last conversation you and your spouse had. When was it? Was it this morning getting the kids ready for school? Was it at dinner last night? Was it while you were lying in bed this morning? Was it in the car yesterday? Now think about what was said and how you said it. Are you a question mark or an explanation point? Years ago I would have been an explanation point. Talking at my spouse, making decisions for him, listening with a judgmental ear. Back then when my spouse was telling me about his day you would find me interrupting him and telling him \u201chow\u201d I would have handled a situation differently. I would have \u201cthrown\u201d it at him in the form of an explanation point! Can you see any of yourself when you read this?\u00a0\u00a0 An explanation point is always \u201ctelling\u201d their spouse how things should be. \u201cDon\u2019t do that, do it this way.\u201d Or \u201cThat is not possible, it cannot happen.\u201d Or the ever famous \u201cOver my dead body!\u201d<\/p>\n

But a question mark spouse is a spouse that asks questions instead of makes statements or judgments. Question marks are good listeners and they ask questions to better understand their spouse rather than throwing words at their spouse. I realized the other day that all of the tragedy and crisis we have experienced has changed me from an explanation point to a question mark. Now when my spouse tells me about his day I do a better job of asking him questions like \u201cHow did that make you feel?\u201d or \u201cIs that what you had hoped would happen?\u201d or \u201cis that overwhelming?\u201d or \u201cDid it feel good to\u2026\u2026..? \u201c<\/p>\n

When we ask our spouse questions it allows us to go deeper into their thoughts, feelings, and hopes. It shows them that we care about them. When we throw explanation points at our spouse we are communicating that we are not interested in knowing them, but that we are interested in changing them or deciding who they should or should not be. Explanation points tend to be intimidating; question marks tend to be welcoming. Which would you rather interact with? The explanation point or the question mark?<\/p>\n

Here are some examples of the explanation point me and the question mark me, maybe these examples will help you see which one you are?<\/p>\n

Jim turns the TV on to relax in the evening or on the weekend.<\/u><\/em><\/p>\n