Last post I suggested 2 action items as part of giving 110% to our spouse.
Suggested action #1 was “Everyday, make a conscious decision to do something for your spouse.” When I first started making a conscious decision to do something everyday for my husband, I started with small and painful gestures of getting him a cup of coffee, emptying the trash for him, leaving a sticky note in his car saying: “have a good day”, etc. I say that they were painful because when the love is absent, buried, or lost, it is very challenging to give to our spouse, especially if we feel we already do most of the giving. Over time as our love has returned and grown, I still do the small things and they are no longer painful but I find great joy in them. I also feel great love now that my husband does those daily small things for me.
I do not typically write love letters to my husband as part of my daily gestures, but they can be a wonderful way to express your warm and fuzzy feelings or to spark romance in your relationship. For years the idea of writing a love letter to my husband was scary. I wasn’t sure I had any love to express to him, especially in a letter, but recently I found myself yearning to tell him how much I love him. I could have just verbally shared my love but I chose a letter because I wanted it to be somewhat of a declaration of love; something I did not want him to forget. If your relationship is on rocky ground, the idea of writing a love letter might be scary to you like it once was to me. But I pray that this letter will give you hope that you too will one day again have a relationship to celebrate and declare!
Below is the actual love letter I wrote to my husband, just a few weeks ago. I decided to share it with you so that the hope I refer to in my posts is a bit more tangible. If the love expressed in this letter can be created from the ashes of our past then a new love, a better love, can also be created for you. My prayer in doing so is that you would see that no matter how tough things might be, God can always turn them around. Don’t give up; have faith that God can transform any marriage into a holy union, if we let Him. It is never hopeless!!
My Dear Husband,
This summer we will celebrate our 19th year as husband and wife. It has been a roller coaster of good and bad times; there were times I was not sure we would make it through. They say God has a since of humor. Do you think when we see Him in heaven He will help us laugh about the terrible times He allowed us to go through? Will we then understand His since of humor?
They also say that God is love. Unlike God’s since of humor, I will not need to meet Him in heaven to understand his love. I see God’s love in you everyday. You are my best friend and I need you everyday. I need to see your face, to hug you, to kiss you, to laugh with you, to cry with you (or in your arms). Without you, I am empty and alone. The love I feel for you is indescribable. Having been to hell and back in our marriage has allowed my love for you to swell bigger than I ever dreamed possible. I know we beat the odds not because of you or me, but because of God’s grace. There were so many times I wanted God to take away the hurt and pain of our broken marriage, day after day, year after year, I wanted the pain to end. But more than that I wanted to love you again and I desired God’s will for both of us. Today I can look back on all of the pain and rejoice in it because it is that pain of the past that has allowed me to love you so deeply today. I no longer tolerate you; I embrace you. I no longer resent you; I rejoice in you. I no longer avoid you; I search for you. There was a time when I thought growing old with you would be a prison, but now I know it will be paradise. I look forward to everyday we have ahead of us.
When we stood before God and said our vows, I dreamed of what our life would be like. Of course the journey has not unfolded as I would have planned, but the destination is even better then I could have hoped for. No I did not like the extreme difficulties but now I know they were necessary to make us into the husband and wife God desired for us to be. I believe this journey has helped us both grow in virtue and holiness, but I am especially thrilled with who you are today. You are loving, courageous, faithful, generous, knowledgeable, humble, diligent, reliable, forgiving and kind. All virtues that I know our boys will learn from watching and observing you.
Thank you for all of the sacrifices you have made over the past 6 years because of my illness. I am sure that each day has had challenges I could not comprehend. I pray that in spite of my illness you too are looking forward to loving me for many years to come.
Your Loving Wife.